I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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