Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
