arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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