he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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