I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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