there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
