you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
