you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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