somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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