I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
