You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
