Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
