The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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