She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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