Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
