I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
