I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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