I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i love accidental penises.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
