do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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