i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
