That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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