The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
