Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
