I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
