you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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