I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize