So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
