Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
