God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
