we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
