dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
