where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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