What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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