First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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