fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
