I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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