We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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