Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
