apparently the secret to your success is patron
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
