Betty ford says i'm here all night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
