I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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