Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
