You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize