Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
