Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
