Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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