that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
