i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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