I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
