oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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