i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
