i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
