I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
