my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize