Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
