and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
