I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
