i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
