On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
