Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
