I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
