Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
