cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
