The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
