Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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