Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
