I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
