Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
